Domestic Harmony Enthusiast Gifts

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.

'Why do you never change these things out when they're empty? They're not an infinite scroll.'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

'I didn't realize how much I missed her until I ran out of clean clothes and dishes.'

"I'll get my hair cut next time he helps around the house."

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

Ethel's offer to iron out Ned's problems turned out to be a problem in and of itself....

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Looks like I do dishes again.

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Blanket Pull

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

Theirs and Theirs

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

Musical washing

We never go out anymore.

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.