Domestic Harmony Seekers Gifts

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

Hymns and Her

"Okay, I SIT corrected!"

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Separation Anxiety

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

A woman's work is never done!

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

Looks like I do dishes again.

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Blanket Pull

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"I apologize for the mess."

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

Theirs and Theirs