Mark Twain Enthusiast Gifts

'One more time Huck, I'm gonna have to question your decision to bring the beaver.'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Super Student

Brünnhilde's Funeral Pyre

Hanging off every word...

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Bashful in Nashville

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

X-RAY

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

'Dad taught me how to tie my shoes, and I taught him how to program the computer.'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Why don't you try learning from your own mistakes?"

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

The-Lead-Us-Not-Into Temptations

"Reports now confirm that Abraham Lincoln has stopped turning over in his grave and is angrily burrowing his way to the White House."

Titanic iceberg auction

Bob Monkhouse

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

"I didn't learn anything in school today but I'll learn twice as much tomorrow."

The Gweat Twain Wobbery.

Hunding

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

The prince and the pauper, 'Boy, talk about identity theft!'

Huckleberry Finn, M.D.

"So you can do your homework. That's why you have to learn to read and write."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Look at him, Tom. He is so obsessed with that silly cell phone that now he wants to be called Blackberry Finn.'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'