Marital Sleuth T-Shirts

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'You've been killing files again.'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

Two men converse secretively

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

I don't trust that guy.

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

"They stay together for the money."

'He speaks, but only on the advice of his attorney.'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'It looks fishy to me.'

'You haven't confirmed the Superstring theory, Blumenkraft - this is a whisker from your beard!'

Arthur Conan Doyle

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

House detective.

"I won't be needed a new laptop as stated in my email. I've found one on top of my Mum's wardrobe."

"Dr. Flaubert, I'm from the science police, and I'd like you to answer some questions about your last paper."

"Why did you just blink?"

'And now he gets letters dowsed with perfume, I suspect the postman.'