Marital Sleuth Pillows

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'You've been killing files again.'

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

Two men converse secretively

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

I don't trust that guy.

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

The News. Editor. Cough! Cough! That dry cough starts every time he makes a call. The editor is a "phone hacker"!

"If I were a TV reporter, I'd report only good stuff!"

"They stay together for the money."

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

'He speaks, but only on the advice of his attorney.'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'You haven't confirmed the Superstring theory, Blumenkraft - this is a whisker from your beard!'

'It looks fishy to me.'

Arthur Conan Doyle

"Dr. Flaubert, I'm from the science police, and I'd like you to answer some questions about your last paper."

House detective.

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

wikileaks

"I won't be needed a new laptop as stated in my email. I've found one on top of my Mum's wardrobe."

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

"Why did you just blink?"