Marriage Mischiefs Pillows

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Which one's yours?"

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"That was definitely mine."

A child and his dog

Faust

'Now don't forget, polar bears can be sneaky buggers.'

Boy accidentally hits a man with a snowball

"Whoa! Hey, can we do that?"

Cat scratches dog's car.

"I'm in here...reallocating Dad's retirement account into junk bonds."

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

"Come on, man, think! There's got to be some new, super-annoying way to bother her for food—I know it!"

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

A monk finds a little demon in the spine of his holy bible.

"Tonight's top stories—chaos, pandemonium, mayhem, and the latest shenanigans of ____."

Pigeon Master

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

Naughty Child

'They have TWO trees!'

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Knife splits newly weds on wedding cake

Cat eats the bird from a cuckoo clock.