Marriage Mischief Pillows

Bride with a lasso.

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Couples: 'This weekend, for a change, I'd like to flout convention.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

Rubbish husband...

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

'They have TWO trees!'

"Fidelity, Ellen, stifles creativity."

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'

"You've changed, Howie."

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

Hey, wait a sec … Forget it! If you think I'm letting you off the hook for forgetting our anniversary, think again! Didn't you also accuse me of forgetting it just a couple of months ago? What date were we hitched? Don't change the subject.

"Watch this!"

"Harry! You?"

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"Ok, George ... now you've ruined Christmas."

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

"I don't know, Dave. I just think the spark has gone from our marriage."

'We can't get a divorce. We haven't paid for our wedding yet.'