Marital Prankster Pillows

"Every stupid time I grease the stairs he figures it out."

'The money I saved to buy myself a sports car is missing, and now you show up in a new boat. Why do I get the feeling this is no coincidence?'

"This will be hilarious!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

Clown Wedding with Rake

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'They were all out of roses.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

"Do you have a Venus Fly Trap?"

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man proposes using strong flour as a ring.

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

When comedians propose marriage.

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

I'm sending myself three Valentine's cards...that should keep my hubby on his toes!

'Almost done.'

'Honey, this is Alonzo

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'