Marital Prankster Pillows

"Every stupid time I grease the stairs he figures it out."

'The money I saved to buy myself a sports car is missing, and now you show up in a new boat. Why do I get the feeling this is no coincidence?'

"This will be hilarious!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Clown Wedding with Rake

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

'They were all out of roses.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Do you have a Venus Fly Trap?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man proposes using strong flour as a ring.

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Honey, this is Alonzo

'Almost done.'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

I'm sending myself three Valentine's cards...that should keep my hubby on his toes!

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'If you find any loose ones, I have dibs on them for the tooth fairy.'