Marital Oversleeper Pillows

'That's another infuriating thing you do. Counting sheep while I'm trying to get to sleep!'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"I need a more interactive you."

Mrs. Almighty.

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Not me, brother - you wake him!"

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'I've no problem finding my wife's erogenous zone. It's my wallet.'

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"Come on, Baldo...get up. It's twenty to eleven."

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

'My marriage is at the stage where we may re-model the kitchen - again!'

"Dad, can you stop snoring?"

TV on demand

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

"Studies show teens get sleepy later than adults and need more sleep. We should start the school day later..."

'We've got aspirin,acetaminophen and ibuprofen. You can't have a headache!'

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"So what did you do before you were married?"

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

"Well, if I'm going to hell I'd better get my butt in gear."

"Honey, scratch my back."

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

'He drinks the wine ,then lays it down.'