Marital Oversleeper Gifts

'That's another infuriating thing you do. Counting sheep while I'm trying to get to sleep!'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

Bed Seasons

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

Mrs. Almighty.

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Not me, brother - you wake him!"

"Come on, Baldo...get up. It's twenty to eleven."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

'I've no problem finding my wife's erogenous zone. It's my wallet.'

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

'My marriage is at the stage where we may re-model the kitchen - again!'

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

"The kid next door is doing a school project on heighborhood success stories and wanted to talk to you. I laughed so hard I wet my pants."

TV on demand

"Dad, can you stop snoring?"

"Studies show teens get sleepy later than adults and need more sleep. We should start the school day later..."

'We've got aspirin,acetaminophen and ibuprofen. You can't have a headache!'

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"So what did you do before you were married?"

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

"Well, if I'm going to hell I'd better get my butt in gear."

Armstrong Maynard, waaaake uuuuup!!! Waaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuppp!!! Give me a break. Heavy sleepers are absolutely the worst part of the haunting business. Bang on a pot!

"Honey, scratch my back."

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

"It was my worst nightmare. Then I realized I wasn't asleep!"