Marital Mayhem Appreciator Gifts

Rage!

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"I'm sure it's a false alarm - my husband must have the leak fixed by now."

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'They have TWO trees!'

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

'Then we agree - I'll slap a gag order on your wife, and you slap a gag order on my wife.'

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"Oh, it was fun for awhile, but then she started getting under MY skin."

"He's fine as long as I take my medication."

'I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always!'

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

"Did you finally come to an agreement with your wife? Or am I opening old wounds?"

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

'Preston, if you're making faces at me, save it for the Halloween party.'

"Hold on, he hasn't signed my pre-nuptial yet."

'After 40 years of marriage, Claude, your eternal optimism is starting to wear a little thin.'

'You can call off the search now -- I remarried.'

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

'I know I said you should part your hair down the middle, but...'

"God, Maria, when are you going to learn to cook!"

"We have what you young people might call an old-fashioned marriage—we are not best friends."