Mansion Mischief Pillows

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

Man's best friend - Man's worst friend - Man's only friend.

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

"We need milk, eggs, bread, cheese. Underline cheese."

"What a gloriously sunny day...! I must get in the garden and burn something..."

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Bride with a lasso.

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"Watch this!"

"The Internet is down, so I got bored. They'll understand."

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

'I'm here for making house calls to the homes of doctors at 3am.'

Flirtation

One C Battery, Two Double A's.

Those bubble wrap kids.

"I should've never taught you to shake."

I'm a slimeball, but you knew that before we got married!

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

"The monarch appreciates your wit, but thinks your timing sucks."

"So this is what you do when I pretend to leave, then come back unexpectedly in five minutes."

Couples: 'This weekend, for a change, I'd like to flout convention.'

Nope, not what I thought you meant by "piano bar."

Green Fairy