Manscape Master Gifts

"Did you wax your chest or did someone at the office have to use the AED on you again?"

Always knock. The secrets of male grooming are best kept that way.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

"... and what’s even worse – I spilled my beer!"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"This is my man cave."

"And up ahead is a place called, 'portage'."

"I think I'm lost."

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

Arnold Schwarzenegger going to a party as Bach.

Two men discussing thier moustaches

Masterpiece?

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

"Not too much off my back."

'I don't like to question your map reading dear, but could you have another look at the last left turn?'

Petro Poroshenko

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

'I don't know why you find it so hard to stop and ask for directions.'

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

Orienteering 101

Lawn Mowers - Loud/Louder/Loudest

Rand McNally's cartography department enjoys a spirited, after-hours game of charades.

How to wear a false moustache.

'Acquiring Satellite.'

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

"No, wait. I always get this mixed up. The manet was five point nine. The Monet was three flat."

Directions Available - Discretion Assured.

'Cats make the best mousetraps.'

"If you have any mental-health issues you'd like to discuss, now would be a good time."

'Apple maps has upgraded us from 'lost' to 'misplaced'.'

Hipster Ventriloquist Convention