Manliness Philosopher Gifts

Harrison Ford, no question. Tom Selleck. Without a doubt. I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." Ford was ok, but his character was less that manly. What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! Harrison Ford was the definition of eighties manliness! You're telling me the "definition of eighties manliness" could run around the world for weeks and

"Many of you were weirded out by Monday's 'Randy's Man Lessons.'"

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Derren Brown: Pushed to the Edge

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

Mass Confucian

The Little Engine that Faced a Tough Moral Dilemma.

"Try staying in the same dimension as everyone else."

'I would be more health conscious if only I could also be unconscious.'

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

"HELP! - I'm trapped in a dumbed-down medium..!!"

Grow up, Slim.

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

Good study habits based on honesty will serve you well all your life! Employers look for trustworthy people who don't cheat! Values Assembly. Who's she talking about? It sure doesn't apply to me. I'm going to be a hedge fund manager. Yeah? Well, I'm headed to Hollywood!

Derren Brown

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Death is bad" - Confucius as a child.

Men's Fragrances

Doing to many good turns can make you dizzy.

Post-Hypnotic Suggestion

'I don't actually do evil any more. I lobby congressmen.'

Sadly this is about as exciting as life gets for most cows...and some people.

A man who sends a fifty-pound note for unpaid income tax

You look tired, Randy. Hot date last night? I had a date. That is correct. But was it hot? A gentleman doesn't tell whether a date was "hot" or not. No … but you usually do. Didn't you just patent "Randy's Hot-o-Meter," the hat that turns from white to pink to red, depending on the hotness of last night's date? Did you know the inventor of bacon was vegetarian? He was? Who knows? Point is, inventions are not a statement of principles.

He' not a quitter - I

'James is very persuasive.'

'No need to be concerned. After 30 years I'm finally emerging from this cocoon.'

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"Studly"?

Taekwon DOHHEAD: 'Grrrrr!'