Masculinity Philosopher Gifts

"Do you ever feel as though the portfolio of your manhood should have included combat?"

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Vendor selling testosterone.

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

Harrison Ford, no question. Tom Selleck. Without a doubt. I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." Ford was ok, but his character was less that manly. What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! Harrison Ford was the definition of eighties manliness! You're telling me the "definition of eighties manliness" could run around the world for weeks and

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

'Is it a boy or a girl? We're going to wait for it to grow up and then decide for itself.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

Crocodile Tie

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

Men's Fragrances

"Baby it's cold outside..."

'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'

Our tests indicate that you're a woman trapped in a man's body. I'd like to demand a sperm-count recount.

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

Although supportive of the feminist cause,Jacques hated being distracted by pretty faces when studying the young Marx."

Macho fishing.

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"Studly"?

"You know, Ben, it's really cute how secure you are in your sexuality."

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

"Real men don't shave, but, if you have to, don't be dainty about it."

The New Man

"O.K., let's confront the issues of masculinity!"

'That's what I call macho. . .That's George. Jogging home from his vasectomy.'

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."