Masculinity Gifts

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

"Studly"?

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

Moustache movement. - No. I

'That's what I call macho. . .That's George. Jogging home from his vasectomy.'

Bible Studly

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Vendor selling testosterone.

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"Sipsies?"

Harrison Ford, no question. Tom Selleck. Without a doubt. I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." Ford was ok, but his character was less that manly. What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! Harrison Ford was the definition of eighties manliness! You're telling me the "definition of eighties manliness" could run around the world for weeks and

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

Crocodile Tie

Men's Fragrances

'Sure you can cry if you want to. Crying is right near the top of our 'acceptable behavior' list.'

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

Macho fishing.

"Okay boys, time to maintain a delicate ecological balance between man and beast."

"You know, Ben, it's really cute how secure you are in your sexuality."

"Good question. On the surface, it's a dainty, attractive car! But undernearth, it's nothing but guy...a touch of friskiness mixed with subtle power!"

'I couldn't put it down.'

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

"Real men don't shave, but, if you have to, don't be dainty about it."