Managerial Mirth Gifts

Off Duty.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Garden variety allergies."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Job complaints on road signs.

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

Think Small.

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"Can I make my own decisions...what do you think?"

"Your idea is useless, but we could use you and save money on lighting."

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'I hate this constant atmosphere of always worrying about meeting a deadline.'

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'I'm sorry, but I need to replace you with someone who cannot do your job.'

'I'd like to help you, but I always say 'no'.'

'You couldn't be more right if you WERE right.'

'Ms Jenkins, please inform the 3rd floor I've decided to fire them. And tell floors 4, 7 and 9 that they're next if they don't get it in gear.'