Malt Maven Gifts

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"Like that?"

Ski lift mobile

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

Nature Lovers

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

The Euro.

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

'Knock it off, Gus! This is tough enough without your yodeling!'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

Tour guide: 'And there's where we'll be setting up camp folks. Just at the base of that foothill.'

The Venerable Bede

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"I'm leaving you for someone who does care what we have for dinner."

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

Making a pact with the devil at the crossroads.

"And now, with the projected sales figures..."

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"