Mall Dodger Pillows

Why men hate shopping.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

Pirates at the mall.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

Lucky Break

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

'I thought it was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

A $50 co-pay? Well, go find someone named 'Co' and maybe they can pay you."

"I thought all the bills we were going to ignore were coming electronically."