Ball Dodger Pillows

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Nun Binning the Devil

Health

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

The Demon's Disguise

Revenuers will be shot.

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

Why men hate shopping.

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"Do you have a moment to be late for something you just made up?"

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'I thought it was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

A $50 co-pay? Well, go find someone named 'Co' and maybe they can pay you."

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

"I thought all the bills we were going to ignore were coming electronically."

'I like to take one day at a time.' - 'Trouble is you're three weeks behind.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'That was a test of our school's emergency broadcasting system. If this were a real emergency, you would have been asked not to talk to reporters.'

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

A Man Hides From His Dance Partner At A Ball.

'One minute she was eyeing her hospital bill, and the next minute...'

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

Mountaineer dive-bombed by bird

'Is it bad etiquette to bring my universal remote to this party you're dragging me to?'