Golf Dodger Pillows

"If my wife calls, I'm at the protest."

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

Revenuers will be shot.

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

A $50 co-pay? Well, go find someone named 'Co' and maybe they can pay you."

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'