Mall Dodger Gifts

Why men hate shopping.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

Pirates at the mall.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

Lucky Break

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

Walk right in. Sit right down.

A $50 co-pay? Well, go find someone named 'Co' and maybe they can pay you."

'I thought it was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"