Deal Maker Dodger Pillows

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Fear of news.

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Hear me, Graduates!

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

Kicking The Habit

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

'So, who's first?'

It's an I-O-Ewe.

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

As the horrible signs began to appear, students would go to any length to avoid seeing them.

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

'I think we should consider hiring a consultant to share the blame.'

"I can help you get your finances back in shape – you've just got to believe in me."

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'Another hike in college tuition! The costs are already killing my folks!'

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'

"So I figure, as long as I stay a student then I can't repay my student loans."

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

"The answer is NO!"

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

You've been extending Randy credit to buy food and drinks? You've no right! That's thousands of dollars. Have you any idea what that … Armstrong? Defibrillator. C'mon, really. It's not that bad. Okay, fine, make a show of it. Defibrillator! And a coroner.

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

And your repayment period starts...Now!