Malapropism Enthusiasts Gifts

'Well, he's not exactly germane.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

Operation Chrome Dome.

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Barack Obama.

"Mom!!"

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

I HATE STUFF

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

Condoleezza Rice tracing a new route of war to Iran.

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

A praying mantis bride throws her husband's head to a crowd of wedding guests.

"The grossest thing you can imagine is being shoved feet first into an 'icky' spiderweb...are you kidding me?"

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

"So, under 'Hair Color' you wrote 'Infra-Redhead!?!"

"I definitely said I needed a BOLD knight..."

'Never mind how did I get up here. Run and get your father.'

The art of regifting

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

"Mind if we tag along?"

Netanyahu: Completely tied to Trump and the GOP

'Ok, now I'm questioning your note-taking skills.'

"The money has been great since Death took up the collection."

"Oh dear, this is awkward."

'Uh, which side did you say you were on?'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'