Malapropism Enthusiast Gifts

'Psych!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Operation Chrome Dome.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Parisian Misguided Tours.

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

Discus accidents.

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

"Mom!!"

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

Dr Crawford's clich� clinic

Welcome to Exclamation Point: Scenic Rest Area.

"I count four... and there should be five."

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

Items from the Fall 2018 Melancholia Catalogue.

A bag of flour squirts into clown's face.

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

One of the dangers of being new to online banking.

Painting into a corner.

"You're still pulling back too hard on the bowstring"

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

A praying mantis bride throws her husband's head to a crowd of wedding guests.

'Now that's what I call a tourist trap.'

"Yikes! That's gotta hurt!"