Malapropism Enthusiast Gifts

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man! What are you reading? A book about the evolutionary war. You know, the American columnists against the British red colts! I just read about the battle of Bumper Hill, the Boston ski party, Benefit Arnold, and all of the floundering fathers. I'm very interested in hysterical events! No surprise. Every time you speak, you create a new one!

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man! I hear you're a political operative these days. Yep. I'm working for my candidate out on the champagne trail. We do fundracing, skunk speeches, clownhall meetings ... What about interviews? Sound blights are one of my specialties! Actually, I derange just about everything! I think you fit perfectly in the world of politics, Malaprop Man!

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Psych!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Operation Chrome Dome.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Parisian Misguided Tours.

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

Discus accidents.

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'I said, 'Left after the bunny slope! Left!'.'

"Mom!!"

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

'Just had to text and ride, didn't you?'

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

A bag of flour squirts into clown's face.

"I count four... and there should be five."

Items from the Fall 2018 Melancholia Catalogue.

Welcome to Exclamation Point: Scenic Rest Area.

Lookup in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! You're playing poker these days! Yep. I'm a natural born grumbler. Last time I played I won a bit pop with a full horse. Then I bit it all and lost on the next hand. I needed one card for a royal flash. I never had a chance because all four jerks were missing. There was only forty-eight cards! I always knew you weren't playing with a full deck, Malaprop Man.

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Dr Crawford's clich� clinic

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

I HATE STUFF

One of the dangers of being new to online banking.

Painting into a corner.

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."