Malapropism Enthusiasts Pillows

'Well, he's not exactly germane.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

Operation Chrome Dome.

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Barack Obama.

"Mom!!"

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

Condoleezza Rice tracing a new route of war to Iran.

Lookup in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! You're playing poker these days! Yep. I'm a natural born grumbler. Last time I played I won a bit pop with a full horse. Then I bit it all and lost on the next hand. I needed one card for a royal flash. I never had a chance because all four jerks were missing. There was only forty-eight cards! I always knew you weren't playing with a full deck, Malaprop Man.

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

A praying mantis bride throws her husband's head to a crowd of wedding guests.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man! I hear you're a political operative these days. Yep. I'm working for my candidate out on the champagne trail. We do fundracing, skunk speeches, clownhall meetings ... What about interviews? Sound blights are one of my specialties! Actually, I derange just about everything! I think you fit perfectly in the world of politics, Malaprop Man!

"The grossest thing you can imagine is being shoved feet first into an 'icky' spiderweb...are you kidding me?"

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

Netanyahu: Completely tied to Trump and the GOP

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man! What are you reading? A book about the evolutionary war. You know, the American columnists against the British red colts! I just read about the battle of Bumper Hill, the Boston ski party, Benefit Arnold, and all of the floundering fathers. I'm very interested in hysterical events! No surprise. Every time you speak, you create a new one!

"I definitely said I needed a BOLD knight..."

'Ok, now I'm questioning your note-taking skills.'

'Never mind how did I get up here. Run and get your father.'

"Oh dear, this is awkward."

The art of regifting

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

"Mind if we tag along?"

"So, under 'Hair Color' you wrote 'Infra-Redhead!?!"

"The money has been great since Death took up the collection."

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

'Uh, which side did you say you were on?'