Makeshift Athlete Gifts

The fact that he had no access to a swimming pool... did not deter Ron from honing his diving skills.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Portrait of a Lady"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Yearbook

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

Bullseye!

Monica Seles

"Tour de Frank"

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

31. 19. 55.7.