Major League Hopefuls Gifts

It's the same thing season after season. We just can't compete with the large-market teams.

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

So close... Yet so far.

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

Unemployment Office. Apply Here. What type of hourly waage were you thinking about? The pro-baseball type!

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

"I'm sorry but Mr. Berrell is in Port St. Lucie trying out for the Mets."

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

'You can be President when you grow up. I'm going to make a lot of money playing shortstop for the Yankees.'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

Window in the Outfield.

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."

"Winning isn't the only thing, Junior. It's how much money you can get in a pro contract."

'...Baseball bats, gentlemen, are sacred objects. We do not dress them up in doll clothing.'

'You're behind on every pitch, Billy! Try choking up on the bat!'

'You're failing chemistry!' 'But...you're taking away my dream of becoming a professional athlete!'

'Doc, I just wanted to be a star.'

'Wow! That must be a big league baseball!'

'You're that close to going to the minors. Relax.'

"I'm sorry, Timmy, but Mr. Jeter's promise to hit you a home run isn't covered by your existing HMO."

'OK, that's strike two. What is your third wish?'

'AS a kid I dreamed of playing first base, but all my parents could afford was an oven mitt.'

Field of Broken Dreams