Baseball Superstar In The Making Gifts

'You're that close to going to the minors. Relax.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

Future Wrestler

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

So close... Yet so far.

Ahhh, spring baseball.

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

Football Skills

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

Rock n'roll.

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

Unemployment Office. Apply Here. What type of hourly waage were you thinking about? The pro-baseball type!

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'