Major League Devotee Gifts

'I warned them. I said, if you allow one fan to scatter the ashes of loved ones, it's just going to open the floodgates.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Sheltering in place.

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"Try letting the ball come to you."

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

Baseball.

"Easy on the fast balls, will you, kid?"

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

'The meat of their order is coming up.'

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'I am beginning my windup now. ... Drum roll, please.'

Sign Him.

'No glove. No hat. No shoes. ... I'm sorry, Andy, but I'm bringing in a new pitcher. You just don't have your stuff today.'

'Here comes my homey...'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'

For Joe Ninth, 2 out, bases loaded, finally innings, scores tied, this was his moment.

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!