Maitre'd Gifts

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Dou you have a reservation?' Indian restaurants.

'Do you have a reservation?' 'One or two. But I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt.'

'We don't care if you're ZZ Top, ties required for gentlemen.'

'Welcome monsieur et madame, may I take your coats, gloves and savings?'

'I'm afraid we can't allow two fat, ugly bastards like you to have a window seat.'

'We're quite full, but I can squeeze you into the angst section.'

"Are you blind? I'm wearing a tie!"

'WHY? WHY? WHY?' 'Because we have a dress code, Sir.'

'I have strict orders not to seat anyone not wearing a tie.'

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Slow Night

Hair Traffic control.

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Maitre d' to astronaut couple entering restaurant: 'Gravity or no-gravity?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

Education Guidance

"A table in Siberia, please."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

Know your dog - The brain.

The Masters.

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

"Is the slop fresh?"

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.