Maitre De Gifts

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"What's a debenture?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"I admire your patience, Fred, but c'mon!"

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

Maitre d' to astronaut couple entering restaurant: 'Gravity or no-gravity?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'