Training Treats Master Gifts

Know your dog - The brain.

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Any questions?"

'Bert's dog training.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Agility God

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Shake! Good Dog."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes