Maintenance Warrior Gifts

'The computer will never replace maintenance engineering.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"He loves his leaf blower."

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'