Cleanliness Warrior Gifts

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

"I did take off my muddy shoes, mom...these are my socks!"

"First."

'Kids create two kinds of dirt: dark dirt that collects on light furniture and light dirt that collects on dark furniture.'

I'd also like the interior cleaned.

'Dear, the shower is full of hair again!!'

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Ironing day.

Brad discovers what can happen when you don't wash your gym clothes...

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I told you to wash the car, but no..."

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

The household cavalry

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

Asteroid Denying Dinosaur vs. Asteroid Believing Dinosaur.

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"