Cleanliness Warrior Pillows

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

"I did take off my muddy shoes, mom...these are my socks!"

"First."

'Kids create two kinds of dirt: dark dirt that collects on light furniture and light dirt that collects on dark furniture.'

I'd also like the interior cleaned.

'Dear, the shower is full of hair again!!'

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

Ironing day.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I told you to wash the car, but no..."

The household cavalry

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

Asteroid Denying Dinosaur vs. Asteroid Believing Dinosaur.

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

Fumes from furniture

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

Dr. Unzimer's mother appears... "Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

"I dunno...ask him."

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."