Cleanliness Advocate Pillows

"Desktops are off-limits. Anything on the floor is sweepers-keepers."

MRSA Risk.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"There! All neat and tidy."

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Medieval Torture

'The water shortage began it - Then somehow, the habit of sharing-a-bath stuck...'

Dish Soap And A Soap Dish Sharing A Nice Laugh

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

Elephant with cotton buds.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

Wash your hands

"My mom's always telling me to change my underwear and my passwords."

Underpants

'Science fiction? No, it's a documentary about lifeforms found in the room of a teenager who never cleaned up.'

"These crumbs are lying around on the dirty ground and you're grossed out because they're touching?"

Human Cull: People who drop dirty diapers in the street. . . or anywhere but a bin.

Ham Sanitizer

"I asked at reception for the person who runs the school... and they sent me to you!"

"It's a new trap we installed. It basically catches anyone who fails to wipe off the machine after using it."

"Out all night and now you come home tracking blood all over the floor!"

Cull garbage truck drivers who spew trash out of their trucks as they move down the road.

Cull people who leave clumps of hair in changing room showers.

"I work all day and come home to find this? A clean house!?"

"Mind if we go to your house? I just got sued by some silverfish who find my flat too dirty to live in..."

'I think she'll be a lot easier to live with if we both wipe our feet.'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'Honey, I'm home!' 'Wipe your feet!'

"Oh, Larry, you’ve got a tiny piece of kibble ri-i-ight there."

Your goldfish seems happier than he did before you changed his water, Axel. How can you tell, Al? His tears are no longer black.

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'Only peanut butter and jelly fingers, Sir.'