Magnet Master Gifts

'Help! My retainers have me trapped by refrigerator magnets!'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

Gym. Weight Room. This must be sculpting my body --- All my muscles feel like putty.

Man and brain

Important Muscles.

TV Chef Cooking Range

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'Watch this! Open up a straw by scrunching up its wrapper! Now put a drop of water on that wrinkly paper tube! Check it out! It wiggles and grows!'

Ah Ha!

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

"We're all metric now..."

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'Can you make this one disappear?'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

Book and magician

"Money or your beard!"

Change of Management - Fortunes Told

"Hey dude, when I said 'curls might help', that's not what I meant."

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

"Admit it ... you were hexting while driving again."

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

Anabolic Steroids