The Mirror Master Gifts

Are you really so good-looking as to justify yet another glance?

So you're a mocking bird...

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'Life is like a trough, Mr. Fisk. How much slop you get out of it depends on how much slop you put into it.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

The quarantine self cut.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Life Remaining Progress Bar

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

"Some 'King'. They didn't even give me an N95."

'I'm just not keen.'

"Poetry would be way more accessible if they just said what they meant."

Canoe Carriers

Moments Later, David Blaine Would Be Crushed Into Nothingness.

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

"Look! I can imitate you!"

'I can't keep a secret, either!'

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

Opening up at the weatherman's bar - "I wouldn't say our relationship's stormy - It's more squally with the possibility of bright spells later"

Change of Management - Fortunes Told

"It's true! I heard this Bedouin boy calling us "ships of the desert". What on earth is a ship?"

Are you making airplane noises?

'Can you make this one disappear?'

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

Lousy Ventriloquist Fears Return to Normal

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

'Better not circulate these.'

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"