Magnet Master T-Shirts

'Help! My retainers have me trapped by refrigerator magnets!'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

Man and brain

Important Muscles.

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

TV Chef Cooking Range

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

Ah Ha!

'Watch this! Open up a straw by scrunching up its wrapper! Now put a drop of water on that wrinkly paper tube! Check it out! It wiggles and grows!'

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

'Can you make this one disappear?'

Book and magician

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

Change of Management - Fortunes Told

'Yesterday you pulled 8 muscles when you sneezed. I think it's time you started exercising again.'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

"We're all metric now..."

"Hey dude, when I said 'curls might help', that's not what I meant."

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

"Admit it ... you were hexting while driving again."

"Of course, black magic is more expensive than white magic. Do you think that the pigments are free?"

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'