Macabre Tale Fan Gifts

'They all ran after the farmer's wife, she cut off their tails with a carving knife...well, some of the tails wouldn't come off right away, so she had to chop, and chop, and chop, and...'

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"I think someone's trying to play games with us."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

Thomas Hardy

This side is the gag reel.

Moby Dick

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

Ask A Silly Question.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Upper West Side Story

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

Romulus and Remus

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Once inside, the pawns will jump out and take them by surprise."

Bertolt Brecht

Pirates find out treasure is a piggy bank.

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

"Boy, am I out of breath. I had to run crying 'Wee, wee, wee!' all the way home."

"I just love take-out."

"Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in?"

'It's an unauthorized biography of the Chief.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

Frog Prince

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'