Macabre Tale Fan Pillows

'They all ran after the farmer's wife, she cut off their tails with a carving knife...well, some of the tails wouldn't come off right away, so she had to chop, and chop, and chop, and...'

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

Thomas Hardy

Moby Dick

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

Ask A Silly Question.

Upper West Side Story

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

Romulus and Remus

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

Pirates find out treasure is a piggy bank.

"Once inside, the pawns will jump out and take them by surprise."

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

"Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in?"

"Boy, am I out of breath. I had to run crying 'Wee, wee, wee!' all the way home."

Frog Prince

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"I just love take-out."

'It's an unauthorized biography of the Chief.'

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

"I'm worried about Junior... all he wants to do is kill things."

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'