Macabre Foodie Gifts

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'Do you want toast with that?'

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Doughnut Criminals

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Intolerant Chef

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

"Instead of string beans, can I get brains?"

"Cemetery Pie"

Coven ready - Witch in supermarket with a 'coven ready' chicken

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

Meditation Munchies

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

'Give me a size 12 please.'

'Have you seen my husband? I left him by the lobster tank a few minutes ago!'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"Check, please."

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

'A candy bar and cheese crackers? You call that a balanced lunch?'

'And a piece of algae for Omega 3.'

Special - Day Old Cones

'This must be their seasonal menu. These prices are scary!'

'Do you have a royalty card?'

'Offering fresh broccoli and cauliflower is a great idea, but it's created a thriving black market in fatty cheese sauce.'