Mac User Gifts

If I am to help you buy the proper fit for your girlfriend, you must tell me about her. She's perfect. Computer Villa. She has shoulder-length brown hair, full lips, loves pets and children. Macs, of course, not PC. And? Pardon? What kind of kisser? Show me. The wisdom of the geeky computer salesman has its price.

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'Bring out yer books!'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

'Is this the new input device?'

Tree Passion

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Read any good Apps lately?'

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

'This is suppose to be progress.'

The earlier, less publicized discovery of gravity by Corblatt.

"I have an app for that."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

' Oh no! I'm being repossessed! '

"According to this tracking app, he's somewhere between Knick Knack and Paddy Whack."

'When I was told our new computer was going to be state of the art, no one mentioned it was state of the art in 1954.'

"Brat"

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"Hey, I'll download them to my tablet too."

"What sort of mood are you in, Michael?"

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

"Unplug and chill out."

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

"Gerald Beeman? Eighteen years ago you were driving through Connecticut and threw an apple out the window. That apple landed in a field alongside I-95 and . . . well . . . I think I'm your son."

Newton's more mundane brother - "That reminds me I must get some apples."

An apple a day.

Those magnificent men and their reading machines.

'If you think using a stick is evolutionary, wait till you try one these dipped in chocolate.'

Newton regretted dabbling in genetic modification.

"Do you have these apples in green?"

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

'...Well if this is heaven, why aren't you using a Mac?'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'