Luxury Key Collector Pillows

"Happy anniversary Jenkins! Here you are, your own key to the men's room in 24 carat gold!"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Pheromones.

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Acme Flyswatters.

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

'Is this what you're looking for?'

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'What do you mean you lost the keys?'

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

'What do you mean you've misplace the keys?'

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

"Do you have anything smaller?"

Driverless tow truck.

"Got any new monster trucks?"

"It was basically $10,000 per cup holder."

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

OBSOLETE: Any state of the art vehicle you bought last week for mega bucks.