Luxury Humor Seeker Pillows

'We're thinking of adding a gazebo. I could go there when I'm feeling trapped and resentful.'

Piranhaclaus

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"It's probably just seasonal."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Shell Fire

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'I'm an atheist!'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Fishing Boat Derby

'She looks just like you when you were that age.'

"Do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Beware of the Cat.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"