Lung Legend Pillows

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"This stool shall pass."

Swiss army knife

"Now that's a win."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

Shore fishing requires threading the needle.

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"Be or be not. There is no question."

Remote Control Pirate Ship.

"Don't do it - they're trying to beat us at our own game."

Ted Hughes

'What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?'

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'You've played enough. Why don't you reel him in now?'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

There are more things to life than fishing...but I ingore them.

The Specimen Hunter

From now on, the rats that get steroids don't have to run the maze.

'Sire, they are starting to call you Edward the Confessor.'

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

A man sits in an armchair admiring his little pickers and trophies of litter he has picked up which are displayed on the wall.

Man throws his burger wrapper into the trash.

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

'I hate it when they use invisible line.'

Scientist looking down a microscope is being looked down a microscope by god.

'Ah ha, just as I expected...BOOM!'

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

'There's a cake in the Drs. lounge. Happy 5,000th surgery!'

A Guide to Mustaches

"The new chief doctor will be the one who manages to remove this sword."

Monday. Restaurant. Daily special. Steak. Tuesday. Hamburger. Wednesday. Homestyle meatloaf. Thursday. I know this is your favorite restaurant, and I guess it's okay to eat here again today ... but tomorrow we'll probably need to find someplace else to eat! Daily special. Cream of meatloaf soup.

'I can't promise miracles, but the lung-enhancement surgery should cut, oh, I'd say two or three minutes off your time in the mile.'