Lunchtime Giggler Gifts

'I forgot to bring my lunch - could I clone yours?'

The Busy Gardener

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"Garden variety allergies."

Hardy Annuals

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Beginning Yarder.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"What are you in for?"

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Balding gnomes

'Where are you going?'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

Now THAT, my friend, is a beer garden!

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."