Lunch Thief Satirist Gifts

People who steal food out of the fridge at work and then say...

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

A Club Sandwitch.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

Job Safety - Lunch.

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

'-and not only was my soup COLD - but the fly in it had frostbite!'

'Chicken to go.'

'Do you ever get the feeling that these so called 'stick people' have stolen our identity?'

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

'We'll both have the businessman's special.'

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."