Loves Pharmacy Jokes Gifts

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Sea of Tranquillity

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'This is our most efficient inhibition blocker. It's 99% alcohol.'

We need to up your dosage or lower mine.

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

Standup Pharmacist

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

Push In And Turn

Stool Softener

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'

"I feel so calm and relaxed when we're together."

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

'...and this one's a freebie from the pharmaceutical company that keeps you addicted to your other medications.'

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'THis probably won't work, but we do have medications that will take care of the side effects.'

Man: 'Got any super-strength fungus creams?'